Are you suffering through a divorce?

Dealing with your sense of betrayal and when to let go.

ttwsx102 — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 16:25:27 +0000

No matter how hard you try, once your partner has decided to leave you, there is no turning back. In a divorce there is always one person who wants it and the other who doesn’t. You probably feel betrayed and hurt and lonely. You can’t sleep and you have tremendous fear about the future. What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? Why is it so easy for them to do this to you? All these questions continue to cause turmoil in your life and it is so easy to point the finger of blame in one direction. Your ex-partner who you feel did this to you. I have felt the same way…a deep sense of hate and anger welling up inside of me and exploding like a volcano whenever that person came into my surrounding area. It’s only natural. But what happens then? The rift only becomes deeper. The chasm only becomes wider. The wound opens again never having a chance to heal. Have you ever tried to pet a cat that didn’t want to be petted? The more you try to hold on to them the more they squirm and scratch and try to get free, it’s the same with your partner. It is so hard to let them go yet the tighter you hold on the more they struggle. The more they struggle the angrier you get and the harder you try to hold on. The vicious cycle continues. The pain and unhappiness perpetuate themselves until that is all that is left.

Every relationship comes to an end at some point in time. Whether through death or separation. The question is: are you strong enough to turn this poison into medicine? Are you able to understand that your partner feels trapped and wants to escape their own internal prison? Can you show compassion for that person and wish them luck in finding the happiness they so desperatly seek? I know it sounds impossible and seems like it would just make you suffer more but believe me this is the key to you finding your happiness. If you can let them go and sincerely wish them the best in their journey, you are on your way to truly caring about others, even those who have hurt you. When you care for others you strengthen yourself, you turn pain into power. You transform despair into hope. The darkness will become illuminated and you will become stronger.

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Making the impossible possible.

ttwsx102 — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 19:23:02 +0000

You might feel in total despair. The person you have worshiped, sacrificed for and gave all of yourself to now wants to leave you. You got angry but they just got angry back. You tried to beg for forgiveness but it only made them more steadfast in their resolve. You tried everything and promised to do anything to make the relationship work, yet it was like speaking to a stone wall. They want nothing to do with you, they don’t love you and they don’t want to be with you. Does this sound like what you are going through right now? If so you must be in deep suffering. I know, because I have been there too and I know what it is like. You feel as if the situation is impossible and that there is no chance of rescue or reconciliation. You are resigned to your “Karma” of suffering and loneliness and feel as if this will be your “Fate” forever. However, what you don’t realize is that this is your golden opportunity to turn the impossible into the possible.

This is your “Karma” you have been having the same relationship, only with different people, since the beginning of time. You might have a terrible sense of sadness or guilt about things from your past. You might deep down even feel as if you don’t deserve to be loved. These negative memories have been working on you in the background of your mind and causing the effects you are seeing now. No matter how hard you tried to depress them they have once again manifested themselves in your life usually as a failed relationship in love, work or family. So how do we stop this cycle and make sure it never happens again?

First understand that there are two of you. There is the old negative depressed you and the new beautiful happy you. The old you wants you to feel worthless, it wants you to hurt and punish yourself for all the bad things you have done. The new you is full of value and happiness and wants to care and help others. The first person you must help is the old you. With sincere compassion take that old negative person that you were and set them free to play the day away without a care in the world. Understand that you were only trying to protect yourself and that you owe an eternal debt of gratitude to the person you used to be, without them you would never have become the person you are today. You are stronger now and don’t need to be protected. You can overcome any obstacle no matter how impenatrable it may seem. The new you will advance courageously like a lion and tackle any problem with ease. The new you will make the impossible possible.

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What’s depression got to do with it?

ttwsx102 — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 17:34:34 +0000

Have you ever heard the story about the bird that cries all night long because it is freezing in the cold of night? It keeps crying “Tommorrow I will make a nest. I will make a nest so I won’t be so cold at night” When the dawn arrives and the sun rises the exhausted bird goes to sleep in the warmth of the sunlight. The bird sleeps all day long until the sun sets again and the bird wakes up cold in the middle of the night. The bird cries out in vain again ”Tommorrow I will make myself a nest to keep me warm” and this cycle continues over and over.

Does this sound a little like you? Do you feel sad and depressed? That is because you are “Depressing”(pushing down) certain feelings. Mabye you are crying because your partner doesn’t show you enough attention. You keep telling yourself tommorrow I will come up with something really fun for us to do so we can spend time together. But then other things get in the way: there’s that TV show and that awesome computer game, got to take care of the kids and chat on the phone and now I am so tired I just want to relax, have a glass of wine and then another and another pretty soon the day has all gone and night begins to descend and coldness of depression starts to creep into your soul and you start to cry that your partner doesn’t show you any attention. Does this sound familiar? It sounds familiar to me because I have been through it.

We have many ways to depress our feelings of unhappiness and lonliness. The easiest are alcohol and drugs others might not seem so obvious. Do you go shopping when you are depressed? That is because advertisers want you believe you will become happy if you buy their product. You have been trapped in this same cycle forever looking outside of yourself to find your joy only to be dissapointed when you find that joy is only fleeting. Have you heard the expression “Break the cycle” or “It’s a vicious cycle” You can end this cycle of negativity you have been trapped in forever. You can end it right now and change your relationships for the better moving forward from this moment in time.

Please subscribe to this blog and ask me any questions you want. I will try to answer you as quickly as possible. My determination is to help people who are suffering through divorce and help them change their lives for the better.

Why is this happening to me?

ttwsx102 — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:21:34 +0000

You may be asking yourself right now questions like “Why is this happening to me?” or “Why do my relationships always fail?” don’t worry it’s not your fault. You have been trapped in the same pattern forever, repeating the same relationship over and over again just moving between different partners. The reason is simple yet sometimes the most obvious answer is also the most hidden. You are not happy. Everything might have seemed fine on the outside as you were laughing and having fun together but ask yourself a couple of questions. When was I the happiest? Was it when I was smiling or was it when they were smiling? Most likely the answer is when they were smiling and that is because you were trying to take responsibility for their happiness. What’s wrong with that? You might ask. What’s wrong with wanting to make someone happy?
People are solely responsible for their own happiness, no one and nothing else can make them happy. When you spend all of your time trying to make someone else happy you forget about your own happiness and then you feel sad, you just don’t know why. That sadness comes from the inside and starts to claw at you. You feel unappreciated, you might find yourself saying things like “How can they treat me like this after all I have done for them!” or “I have done everything I could to make them happy and this is the thanks I get!”. You must take responsibility for your own happiness and help others take responsibility for theirs. When you are truly happy with yourself you will attract others who are happy within themselves as well. Wouldn’t everyone be much happier that way? Wouldn’t it feel great to not have to worry about making someone else happy for a change but instead help them find their own inner joy?

As always I welcome questions and comments and I will try to answer them as quickly as possible. Please tell me whether you would like me to post your question and answer online or keep it private. Thank you very much. Have courage we will get through this together, you are not alone.